I take two steps forward. I take two steps back.

Remember this? Paula Abdul getting her groove on with the animated M.C. Skat Kat in her Opposites Attract video? It was actually pretty rad, circa 1989.

I was cast as a member of Providence’s Listen To Your Mother (LTYM). The show moved me. It shaped me. It forced me to grow. For that, I’m eternally grateful.

I stood onstage alongside a bevy of beautiful women strong enough to tell their personal stories, reveal their inner most thoughts and vulnerabilities and yet somehow manage to look powerful as hell doing it.

My cast mates, the truth tellers. I salute you. I will never forget you. You’ve changed me and shaped me. Thank you.

I took two steps forward.

I stood in front of an audience and told my truth. About a pregnancy fraught with cravings. Not the vanilla ice cream sundae topped with ooey gooey chocolate sauce and a side of pickles galore type cravings.

No. My intense, incessant cravings for vodka. My beloved Stolichnaya raspberry (Stoli Razz) vodka.

I couldn’t have it. I was pregnant. Could I please then, settle for tiny teensy little toke of half-baked? I’m not talking Ben & Jerry’s ice cream here.

I’m in love with Mary Jane.
She’s my main thing.
She makes me feel alright.
She makes my heart sing.

                                                                                                                       -Rick James

Half baked… fully baked. Mary Jane, your hold on me is never very far – you were right beside me haunting my dreams last night as I slept. You reeked of skunk which meant you were ripe for the tokin’.

Felicity, my beautiful girl, you were there too which meant I had to sneak my bowl outside by the pool. I quickly ran inside to hide my stash before your Daddy came home. Just then your Meme knocked on the door and I knew the jig was up. I reeked of smoke and all I cared about was lying and getting away with it. Your Meme glared at me with those rage filled accusatory eyes that I’d become accustomed to. This time though, something was different. Those eyes that knew me best and seemed to love me no matter what, now lacked even a hint of empathy.

Sneering furiously, she asked: where is she?!

Then it hit me. In my hasty selfish pursuit to touch the sky, I left the screen door open. I darted outside. You were smiling, teetering wobbly on the penguin belly white edge of our pool. Just one tiny toddler toe away from the ravenous water. You looked at me, eyes wide and wild as if to say: you had your chance mommy, you blew it.

Then I woke up. Sweating and scared. It took a minute for the sleep fog to roll out and make way for the sweet salvation of realizing that  it was all just a dream.

Thank God. It was only a dream. It never ever has to be real. It can be real. It never ever has to be real.

I took two steps forward.

I took two steps back.

Yesterday was my first blog back since a month long sabbatical. Of course there’s the ever present lurking blog questions that kept me away. What if my daughter grows up mad as hell that I blogged about her; I’m not making any money doing this, why am I doing it; am I blogging too much or not enough; are these mundane giveaways really worth it, am I really maxing out my mom game?

More so though, it was trying to figure out where I go from LTYM. I bared my soul and soon it’ll be memorialized on YouTube. Now what?

Where I go from here I’m not so sure. There are causes I want to champion both related to addiction and unrelated. It’s still there, that strong desire to help mothers and moms-to-be.

The LTYM show is over, but this is not a curtain call. Rather it’s a new beginning. In order to start it I had to close one door, the door of ambivalence and ambiguity, and open another.

The door I opened was the closet door. Frankly, it’s way too small in there to live large.

There are lots of movie quotes floating around in our house, most of which I don’t recognize. Usually my husband and stepson banter back and forth carrying on an actual conversation in movie quotes. In a sea of movie quotes, I can count the ones I recognize on one hand. One of those quotes is a song. It’s from the movie Stepbrothers and  I’m not ashamed to say that I’m delighted when my stepson breaks out in a killer rendition of it. Boats N’ Hoes, Boats N’ Hoes… ring a bell? He has this Will Ferrell classic down verbatim and is liable to break out with it at any moment.  I heart him for it.

The other quote I recognize is from The Godfather:

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

Leave the monkey. Take the brain.

Today we went to visit my grandma at the nursing home. She’s been there for a few weeks following a traumatic fall and week-long hospital stay. She’s decided that it’s where she’ll live out the rest of her life.

Grandma has Alzheimer’s. It came on quickly and it’s progressing rapidly.

Alzheimer’s is a bitch. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, 1 in 3 seniors has Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia. It’s the 6^th leading cause of death in the United States and the only cause of death in the top 10 causes without a way to prevent it, cure it, or slow its progression. Out of the 5.2 million American’s living with Alzheimer’s, 200,000 of those are under the age of 65.

Today I left the nursing home with my purse and Felicity. Felicity left with a stuffed monkey. It was the cutest monkey that I’ve ever seen in my life – and I’ve had a stuffed monkey fetish for as long as I can remember.

Grandma made this monkey. She made it in a crafts activity, some built-a-bear, she built a monkey.

My grandma made a Build-a-Bear monkey during craft hour at her new home a.k.a. the nursing home.

What. The. Fuck.

My mom told me about this before I saw the monkey. I was pissed and depressed. Why is grandma making a monkey and where do you get off telling me this in such a calm manner, Mom? Your mother is making a stuffed monkey! Please give me something, anything to show me this is not okay with you!

And it’s not. It’s not ok with my mom. It’s not ok with any of her siblings. It’s sad, depressing, and a slew of emotions for all of them and they are coping the best they can.

I sat there on the bed beside my grandma. What I initially thought was lack of eye makeup on my image- is-everything grams, I now attribute to be the far off gaze of an Alzheimer’s patient as the disease slowly deteriorates cognitive thinking.

My daughter, distracted on the way out of Gram’s new digs, dropped the tan fuzzy monkey that held my heart.  I wanted to snatch it up, scold her and shout: Don’t you realize how special this is? Grandma made this for you! I’ll keep it until you’re old enough to appreciate it!

Thankfully, I have enough of my own brain left to know where that was coming from. My own selfish wish to hold onto grandma  forever and ever.

Alzheimer’s. Alzheimer’s you stupid S.O.B.

You can take her brain – you’ll do it anyway. You can take her strength, you can even take her spunk – you stupid PUNK. You can take her memories – but you won’t take ours. At least, not yet. You can take her penmanship and ability to write but you can’t take these two bags I have, brimming with her published articles. You can take her eyesight – but as long as I live my brain will be burned with the image of her terrified, rage filled eyes the night she looked at me and sternly said: no more drinks. You can take gram’s ability to mother but you can’t take the heartfelt words she said to my mom and aunt the night she handed them both small angel pendants, explaining how grateful she was for her daughters, her guardian angels.

You can take all of grandma but you won’t take grandma. In the end you won’t take grandma. You won’t take Grandma sitting by her pool sunning herself. You won’t take our summer at Bonnet Shores. You won’t take the memories of her mad, albeit long gone, Scrabble skills. You won’t take her honest opinions, you won’t take her contagious laugh or her witty retorts.

You may think you’ve taken her but don’t be fooled.  Grandma will always be who she is, who she always is, to us. I see flickers of her old self here and there. I know that it won’t be long before even that is gone. It doesn’t matter. You will NOT take her. Her flame is strong and bright and it will prevail, in us. Do you hear me?

Alzheimer’s you dirty, rotten, scoundrel of a disease. Take her brain. Leave the monkey.

My memories are mine. 

Oprah, the beautiful, fabulous, philanthropic Oprah. She did me dirty.

You know those aha moments Oprah has? The phrase actually made it into the Merriam-Webster dictionary in 2012. By definition, aha moments are: moments of sudden realization, inspiration, insight, recognition, or comprehension.

Oprah’s aha moments are sexy. Sometimes even R rated!

It begins with her sitting on her cushy over sized chair. Hair and makeup perfect. Manolo’s high as the sky. Lincoln Park After Dark nail polish gleaming as if its tacky to the touch. There she sits, engrossed in her guest, like it’s a private conversation and her viewers are simply voyeurs. As her guest finishes speaking, you see it coming. A look of sheer satisfaction appears on her face.

Yes! Yes! Oh! Right there! I’m about to… yes… YES! She blurts out excitedly – Ahhhaa! I just had an AHA moment!

Oprah’s aha moments come at us fast and forceful. She takes her guest’s complex theoretical idea and breaks it down into a simple, actionable solution. Somewhere in between hearing her guest speak and having her revelation, she manages to polish her aha moment so it glows as bright as her million dollar baubles. Then she hands it to us to keep in our back pocket and gaze at whenever we need a spark of inspiration.

Here’s the real deal on aha moments: Ain’t nobody but Oprah havin’ sexy ahas.

Last week, I had an aha moment. A moment of clarity, a breakthrough. A realization. The answer to an issue that forever affected me. Unconsciously I tried stuffing it deep down, hoping to suffocate it. Try as I might, it wouldn’t die. It persisted, affecting me on multiple levels.

Do you know what that aha moment looked like? It looked like this:

Anger. Resentment. Provocation. Desperation. Expletives. Tears. Denial. Blame. Excuses. A pit in my stomach. An awakening. Accountability. Relief. Exhaustion. An internal vow to do something with this knowledge.

That my friends, is a real woman’s aha. No disrespect, Ms. Oprah.

Most of it was super ugly. All of it was draining. Exhaustion to the point where even the following day I felt like I had a killer hangover. I don’t drink. I was mentally burnt out.

That being said, I’m eternally grateful for my aha moment. It was an answer to a huge boulder I couldn’t scale. The aha provided insight into my thought processes, the mental crap that came up whenever said issue was in question.

It was an answer. It was not a full fledged solution.

If I’m lost in a dark forest, my aha moment is akin to finding a flashlight. With the flashlight, I can see my map – hella important! My map isn’t the solution though. I need to use it in conjunction with my other tools, notably my brain and my feet!

An aha moment is powerful self-insight. It’s up to you to do something with it. It’s scoring a new tool to use whenever you feel the need.

When it comes down to it, an ugly aha is just as big of a breakthrough as a sexy aha. Embrace it in all it’s ugliness, knowing full well that the eternal enlightenment is worth the temporary pain.

Sometimes you just gotta own your shit.
Owning it is a key step in grieving and gracefully pushing forward.
As you begin to heal, you realize how important it is to be authentic and live in your truth.

The truth will set you free.
So long as you let it. So long as you see it. So long as you speak it.
So long as you resist the urge to be stifled by onlookers that say – when will you move on?

It’s your truth. Nobody knows what you’re called to do with it but YOU.
When you live in your truth, you stomp on your shit.
Take that! Squashed under my stiletto!

When you’re authentic and give yourself permission to be who you really are, people take notice.
You’ll inspire, connect and empower.
You’ll grow bigger, stronger and smarter by owning who you were, are, and want to be.
You’ll lend your hand when someone else is in the dark.
The dark is terrifying, isolating, frigid.

This past weekend, I owned my shit. I owned it at the Listen To Your Mother auditions in Providence. For the first year, this EPIC show is coming to Providence thanks to the countless hours, dedication and energy of two local moms, business owners, bloggers (and so much more) Carla Molina & Laura Rossi. 

I didn’t own it to vent it. I didn’t own it to shock and awe. I owned it with the hope that somehow, someway, someone will remember an itty bitty piece of my tiny story and use it for their own good.

Take me! Use me! Be selfish with my words. Get your fix. Share them with your friend, she’s jonsen.

No matter if I make it or not, I’ll be there at the show. I want to hear from mothers, sisters, friends, maybe even sons and brothers, as they celebrate motherhood with deeply personal and uniquely diverse stories. I want to be there and be part of it. I need it. I crave it. 

If I don’t make the cut, I won’t be silenced. I can’t. I won’t.

Somehow, someway, I’ll find a way to serve others. Shining a light in their dark. Illuminating paths camouflaged by the blackness of the night. Speaking to shatter the deafening silence that lives in the shadows. 

Happy Bump Day to all of you beautiful, glowing (although you may not feel it) moms-to-be! Your halfway through the week and one day closer to what I hope it a relaxing weekend for you!

Here’s your weekly roundup of B.U.M.P. (Buys, U Oughta Know, Maternity Funnies & Paparazzi) related activity.

Buys:

• Babies R Us: 20% off one reg priced item in store only, coupon available online; Save up to 30% on car seats & strollers online
• Destination Maternity: B1G1 on all sale items in store; online orders $20 off $100 w/ code 2DM
• A Pea in a Pod (swoon): New items just marked down 50% (online, category: sale)
• Diapers.com: everything but the baby sale March 3-10 (also see the 30% off coupon for other stores in the top right hand corner)
• Tea collection: New markdowns on baby, boys & girls

U Oughta Know – The Latest News:

• Baby reported cured of AIDS: This week a 2.5 year old in Mississippi was apparently cured of the AIDS virus. The baby’s treatment started sooner than normal (31 hours after birth) and was aggressive. This may have prevented the AIDS virus from forming into “viral reservoirs”  where the virus is typically harbored. The presence of viral reservoirs are a key challenge in ridding the body of AIDS because when treatment stops, the virus lurking in the reservoirs comes back with a vengeance. Read more here. 
• Surrogate Mom Refuses to Abort Baby & Flees State: I can’t stop reading or thinking about this. It’s extremely controversial and quite possible NSFW & NSFDPC (not safe for dinner party convos). A CT surrogate defied the wishes of the family who’s baby she was carrying to abort the fetus. The couple wanted to abort after a multitude of tests showed severe abnormalities. The surrogate said that abortion was against her religion but that she would do it if they offered her 15k (an increase from their initial 10k offer). They wouldn’t and she fled CT for MI, where the surrogate contract was null and void. In the midst of legal battles, she gave birth to a child with medical problems that were worse than expected. Read more here.

Maternity Funnies:

• MILF Diet: No… seriously. Author Jessica Porter creates a book around eating healthy wholesome foods and avoiding processed foods so that you can look like a… MILF! Check it out here. 
• The toes knows: Pregnancy shopping for shoes to wear after the baby is born? Forgettaboutit! A new report says that 60-70% of pregnant women have a permanent change in their feet size – anywhere from .08 & .4 inches longer

Paparazzi: 

• Kate Middleton: Might be having a girl! Might be having a girl! OMG! The Duchess reportedly responded to a teddy bear gift she was given by a child at an outing: Thank you, I’ll take that for my d–, before cutting off mid sentence! OMG! Read the full story here. 
• Holly Madison: Gives birth to a baby girl. No reports on a name yet though. Read on here.
• Kim Kardashian: In typical Kim fashion, no good news to report. She’s trying to hide her baby bump instead of flaunt it saying:  At this stage I guess I’m more focused on concealing the weight gain than I am about dressing the bump. Two thumbs down!! Read about it here.

 Happy Bump Day, Ladies!

Something scary’s going on in our house. It’s akin to being stuck in the movie Groundhog Day, except Felicity is the cutest groundhog ever and every time she wakes up… it’s Two’s Day. Two’s Day is terrible. It’s waking up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning, for nap time, and even the next day.

She can’t articulate what’s wrong so I’m left to assume. In my signature assuming fashion, I turn it all inward and blame myself: She must be unhappy because I’m not giving her what she needs. I suck as a mother. She’s bored. One day, she’ll aim her trigger finger at me on Dr. Phil and accuse me of giving her a raw deal by not baring a bigger brood for her to bond with.  She hates me. She wishes she was in daycare. I’m the worst mother in the entire world and she can’t wait to talk so she can tell everyone. 

In these times, I seriously have to lift myself out of the depths of self-hate and think logically. You might find this frightening or worrisome. Please don’t. For me, this is just maxing out my mom game.

Logical self talk says that it can’t be easy being a little human who lacks the ability to articulate her needs and wants. She’s taken from place to place, without having much of a choice or being able to clearly communicate her opinion. She doesn’t have a say in what she eats because even if I give her another choice, it’s not necessarily her first, second or third choice. She also lives with a wacko mom who makes the weirdest faces and does the scariest dances in a pitiful attempt to get her to laugh.

Logic tells me… it ain’t easy being a toddler.

Nor is it easy being a mom to a toddler. When she’s unhappy, I’m unhappy. When she cries, I want to fix the problem so badly and all my botched attempts act as kindling to my already blazing fire of failures. 

Toddler life is so much different than baby life. The tricks that worked in babyhood are straight up moldy now. Furry green, fuzzy white frightening mold.

 That being said, there are three obvious yet super challenging things that seem to work during the Two’s Days.

1. Get low: I get down on her level (usually sitting on the floor) and look at her in the eyes, I tell her that I know she’s frustrated and I want to understand what she needs. (Note: this sometimes ends up in a swift open palm swat to my face. When this happens I say “no” as calm as possible, get up and engage myself in something else for a few minutes. The goal is for her to understand that people won’t stick around or play with someone who hits. Not sure it’s getting across yet.)
2. Give her undivided attention: In these moments, I try to figure out what it is that she’s so upset by and I can say that most times it’s because I’m multitasking. She doesn’t give a damn if I get dinner on the table or not – she just wants me to hang out with her. I need to give her that time she needs, no matter what else I think I should be doing. 
3. Give in: Yes, I said it.  When in doubt (or if #1 & #2 don’t work) just breathe and give in!  If it’s safe and within reason of course! Honestly… it’s most likely YOU that they want. They crave our undivided attention as much as a junior high girl wants her crush to hand her a triangularly folded love note. If it’s Sesame Street they crave, sit down for 20 minutes (or whatever you think is appropriate) and watch it with your child. Just try to resist the urge to point to Oscar the Grouch and ask if he’s invaded her little body.

Moms are multitasking mavens. Whether they’re working inside the home or out… they have a ton to do and little time to do it. Toddlers don’t get it and we can’t expect them to.  Plus, they’re dealing with new emotions, feelings, fears and frustrations on a daily basis and unable to clearly articulate their needs. It’s a challenging, frustrating, sometimes overwhelming situation for both mom and toddler. As the adult though, we’re the ones who must call on empathy, patience, logic, and that incredibly sweet thought that in t-minus 2 hours, 6 minutes and 18 seconds, they’ll be snug as a bug in a bed, getting the rest we they need.

Happy Monday! (Quite possibly the most annoying saying in the entire world!)

How was your weekend? I had the pleasure of going to a book signing with the talented, incredibly funny Jackie Hennessey, author of How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker. It was the third time I met Jackie but the first time I got my hands on her book. All I can say is forget about NSFW… this book is NSFL (not safe for libraries) or any other place where you’re supposed to be quite and reserved. Fortunately for me (and all of her readers) Jackie is easy going, witty, and quick to laugh. I didn’t have to worry when I blurted out an inappropriately timed yet quickly muffled laugh during her reading. She was reading the introduction, the one part of the book that’s not belly hurting funny. In typical A.D.D. impatient fashion, I’d skipped ahead to one of the confessional stories of the book. This five line story was enough to grab me – hook, line and whine – if you will.

Jackie’s book is part confessional, not only from her but from other real life moms and their mommy brain moments. As a mom, it just made me feel “normal” – like I’m not the only one dealing with mommy brain or feeling at my wits end some days. Additionally, it contains awesome recipes. There were a few dips to try at the book signing (YUM) and now I’m dying to make my new favorite – figgy cheese (pg. 54 yo!).

If you haven’t read this book and you need or want a laugh (who doesn’t) – you need to check it out. Jackie is just like the rest of us – adores her kids but craves her own time – time with friends to whine and well… cheese!

Now – on to today’s Mommy Brain Monday vid. This video is sure to make you laugh! Even if you’re one of the 3M viewers who’ve already watched it (or is it more like 1M peeps who just can’t get enough of this beat spittin’ mama?) – you need to check it out. I don’t even want to tell you that it’s an advert… because then you might not want to watch. I watched it the first time and I didn’t even notice it was an ad. Do yourself a favor & check out the video below.

Big things happening here. I’m working on a new edition to the blog. It’s part personal experience; part actionable, easy to implement solutions; and part ass kicking motivation from a lazy chick  who went from martinis to motherhood and the Taco Bell fourth meal to the treadmill.

Why is this such a big deal? For starters, it’s a piece that I would have loved to read when I was frantically googling “holy shit I’m pregnant” at work, in the midst of my planned for pregnancy. What wasn’t planned was the emotional rollercoaster that ensued circa conception.

If you’re wondering if you’ll benefit from this… ask yourself:

• Do you know you want children but you love being free as a bird and are terrified of change?
• Are you ambivalent about motherhood and does it scare the shiznit out of you?
• Do you feel emotionally & mentally unprepared for baby even though you planned for and want your child?
• Are there times when you feel like no one gets what you’re going through – be it in pregnancy or motherhood?
• Do you know you need to make a drastic life change when your child comes but doubt your ability to succeed or don’t know where to start?
• Do you ever feel alone, depressed or anxious?

If you answered yes to any of these questions – this new installment will speak to you.

I don’t want you to go away empty handed, so until then – here are a few blogs I’m reading that you might enjoy:

• A is for Adelaide: This week, Chelley and her daughter Adelaide are all over the New England news. Chelley’s daughter Addie has a form of dwarfism and she recently took a stand against the use of the word “midget” to describe small products, specifically Cain’s Pickles. Her story received tons of attention – most from misinformed readers who vilified her for being a “Crazy Pickle Lady” and much worse. I invite you to check out the real story of Chelley & Addie and why she decided to take a stand (not by suing – but by being a persistent, polite educator) against a large corporation in the name of all those living with dwarfism. Her story is compelling and Chelley has been the epitome of class in dealing with the incredibly negative backlash she’s receiving.

•  Crunchy Betty: Do you want food on your face? No - you say? Well – Crunchy Betty will change that! I recently found her website and love, love, love it. I give myself at least one Nutmeg Facial per week and use the Oil Cleansing Method frequently! Yes – I cleanse my face with oil! You have got to try this. Economical, natural and lip-smacking good to your squeaky clean pores. Wat up!
•  Savor the Thyme: I just nominated this awesome gal for the S.T.A.R. Entrepreneur Mom of the Year award. She’s fabulous! She wants you to feed your family wholesome, healthy foods and she shows & tells you how to do so. Some of her pictures are what she calls food porn, so get ready to salivate– but you’ll be doing so in a satisfying, good for you way – so eat up!
• OnlineRI – Ask Mom: It doesn’t matter if you live in RI or not – this blog post will matter to you if you have play date age children. Play date etiquette from mom, business women, and author of How to Spread Sanity on a Cracker – Jackie Hennessey
•  The Queen of the Earth: I really enjoyed the blog post I read yesterday from Kirsten at Queen of the Earth. She pauses to remember The Station Fire that happened 10 years ago this week. Just knowing that so many of us, whether we were personally affected or not, still pause to remember those whose lives were taken in this tragedy and the family members who live with this reality every single day is profound. I will never forget – and I know you probably won’t either.

 Enjoy your weekend!

I recently met a smart, savvy female blogger who touted the awesomeness of Pinterest. I’ve used it a few times (with little success) but after our conversation I logged back on. To my delight there were zillions of great ideas that I couldn’t wait to try with Felicity. I pinned and pinned until my pinning finger pulsed with pain.

The next morning I was psyched (could the P stand for psyched?!) about bringing the Pinterest ideas to life with Felicity. Over breakfast, she could barely get a babble in edgewise. I blabbed and blabbed about the crafts we were going to make and how everyone would just love our valentine’s day cards imprinted with hearts made from a squished toilet paper roll dipped in red paint. Yes. That’s what we were going to do and it was going to be F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S.

Finally it was time! Man oh man, I wish Felicity knew what I knew! What joy we would have putting the crafts together! Her shrieking with glee and me smiling back knowing that I’m raising a well rounded child and single handedly enriching her life with art and sensory play.

Driving to the craft store, I realized that the P in Pinterest must stand for pint sized Picasso. Mine was in the back seat, just minutes away from creating her masterpiece.

It wasn’t long though – before I realized what the P in Pinterest really stands for.

1.) Prozac:

• The time, effort and aggravation you spend trying to recreate a picturesque Pinterest pin will most certainly leave you feigning for Prozac. I thought I had enough of this before when I decided to make my own Easter wreath based on a Pinterest pin. I wasn’t happy with the wreath but I thought I was just being a perfectionist – surely my husband would like it. I hung it and eagerly awaited the compliments. He took one look at the wreath, one look at me and shook his head walking away saying: This house used to be cool.

2.) Poor:

• Pinterest will leave you poor. Don’t fall for all that DIY is cheaper crap. It just isn’t true. By the time you buy all the supplies, attempt to make it, reach for an element you thought you had at home but can’t find, go back out to the store, finish it, realize it’s pathetic looking, rationalize to yourself that you should just forget about it – but now you can’t because you’ve invested so much time and money into it, recreate it again, and so-on… you will be POOR. Time is money people, leave the crafts to the crafty.

and last but definitely not least…

3.) Child P-rotective Services (cPs):

• While on hunt for your craft supplies you might be so in the zone that you look away from you child for a few minutes only to be jarred back to reality when she comes to your side chewing a baseball player’s wad size of gum. Hmmm… how can that be you wonder knowing that you did not give her any gum and besides, she doesn’t have all her teeth. Then you spot it – dangling from her hand like a dead rat – it’s one of those gummy water filled worm only good for squishing with your bacteria laden hand and collecting dust, lint, hair and every other microbe in sight. You know, the worms with 8 dangly legs. Only this worm had 7 legs.
• You make it out of the craft store with your precious bundle in one piece and arrive home to embark on craftpalozza. You ease into it with some mixed media – markers and crayons on construction paper. Your phone rings but it’s in the other room so you have to get up from the table. A quick hello, busy, goodbye and back to mother daughter time right? Wrong. You take one look at your child and shriek: You have a black eye! Nope. It’s just purple marker all over her face. Of course, it’s non-toxic and washable… but what 1.5 year old do you know that will let you rub near her eye with a washcloth multiple times?!
• The next day, you think your Pinterest woes are over… they have to be, right? Wrong. You spot your child eyeballing on of yesterday’s Pinterest projects. In your excitement of thinking that all of your efforts were not in vain you quickly reach over to get it (the pipe-cleaner sorter/shaker made out of an old raisin container) and you elbow your daughter smack in the side of the head.

My sister-in-law is taking Felicity to music today. I dressed Felicity in a shirt that says “Mommy’s sweetheart”. My sister in law’s taking her own car. There’s no way CPS can prove that F is my daughter not hers – they’re spitting images of each other! Good luck, sis!

How cool is this?! A free giveaway opportunity for bloggers!

Blog with Mom and Adventures of 8 have teamed up with a wonderful online meeting place for pregnancy and mommies of babies and toddlers called BellyHood! We are looking for 50 other family-friendly pregnancy or baby/toddler niched blogs to help us give away a $200.00 Diapers.com Gift Card! Each Blogger will receive a FREE Twitter Link for posting and promoting the free giveaway opp and event.

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Good luck!